Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Mrs Muscle

I now come with baggage. Not the emotional kind, but literally; I am the bag lady - except I don't ever get to carry my own handbag, oh no; I lug around a compulsory changing bag.

Whilst I've never been into 'It' bags as such, (my husband did buy me a beautiful Balenciaga handbag once) it would be nice to carry something a little less cumbersome; more feminine shall we say.

For some reason, I can't seem to downsize and end up packing for all occasions and even then, I usually forget something necessary. How did I turn into an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink kinda girl?
I mean really, does our little one need three toys, a couple of just-in-case-snacks and a book if we're popping into town?
Do I really need seven nappies if I'm just out for an hour?
Should I bother bringing the bouncer/play-mat/walker/donut/ etc. if I’m popping to a friend’s house for a quick cuppa?
Then there's the time I brought sun cream - amongst other useless items - when he was merely seven weeks old and hidden in the pram under at least 47 muslins so even the tiniest speck of sun couldn't permeate its rays (neurotic new mother syndrome).

On the odd occasion, if he does require a change of clothes, I proudly tell myself 'See, it was worth it' and feel a sense of justification, but my back and shoulders think otherwise. In fact, I am so laden with stuff, the kitchen sink might as well come with us; it makes no odds.
So toned am I, Mr Muscle would be quaking in his vest: for I am now rock 'ard and have Madonna-esque arms. There's no need for post-pregnancy work-outs; along with the monster pram and lead-filled car seat (what do they put in them?) I can carry a tonne, and that's sans baby (and he's a growing lad).

Is it a feminine trait to pack up the whole house I wonder? I've been out with friends and a sheepish Dad has approached us asking if someone has a spare baby wipe. My husband once took the wee one out and left the sacred Sac Magique behind and had to go back for it, he joked, 'At least I didn't forget the most important thing...'
I'm in charge of 'packing the bag' and this is done in methodical fashion: a section for what-if-he-is-a-bit-poorly, a teething-pocket, then there's all the food and more than usual; the zip won't fasten and it's all spilling out.

So how do I streamline? As he gets older he will only acquire more things; next it will be a car, a house... ah, so that's how parenting works...